Crash Dive features a very pretty sunset. It rivals Activision, which is saying a lot, considering that sunsets are often a signature feature in Activision's Atari games.
Apparently, "Crash Dive" was a 1943 flick where a couple a doll-dizzy anchor clankers flip their caps over a real dish of a dame. From chums to scrum!
In other words, Crash Dive is a romance with wartime action sequences. A couple of sailors have their sights set on a lovely lady teacher. Who gets her? Who cares? I hope she asserts her independence and goes for some other guy, or girl, or no one at all. The most interesting outcome is that she's ace, and I don't mean the 1940s slang for "person of expertise." The teacher then forms a romantic yet non-physical relationship with the two guys, who discover one another's lips while they're fighting, and a kind of poly triad is formed. Now that's interesting.
But I'm stuck with . . . Atari. Okay, not complaining. During my research, I did not dig deep enough to verify that the movie "Crash Dive" involved an aircraft that can also swim underwater. That's what the game is about. No romance?! No brawling sailors, or whatever? I want my twenty dollars back!
I spent twenty dollars on the game, which is fifteen more than I'd like to spend. And twenty for this game is kind of a deal these days, in 2022.
To be fair, like many Fox titles, Crash Dive looks great. The attention to detail here is not present in many other Atari games. I'm impressed with the amount of animated undersea creatures, from stingrays to Swamp Thing (or whatever it is). Lobsters that look like Boglins prowl the seabed. (Boglins were goblin-like toy puppets in the 1980s, as I'm sure you know.) Perhaps this is a long-lost sprite from a canceled Boglins game. I wish that existed.
But the truth is that Crash Dive does not play so great. Sure, I'd pick it any day over Deadly Duck or Beany Bopper, but there's not enough incentive to keep me playing. That means it's not very fun, or, at best, it is fun but only for five minutes. I could never play Crash Dive again and I don't think I'd miss it. Maybe the sunset.
You--the Crash Diver!--must shoot down the enemy helicopters and ships. You can line yourself up and continually fire, and the boats or aircraft will explode as soon as they scroll onto the screen and into your bullets. You can even hear them approaching.
Diving into the water (I mean, crash-diving into the water) is the big gimmick here, but there's not much strategy to it. The water offers no real protection from the enemy missiles (if it did, though, this would be even less interesting). You can blast a variety of sea creatures for points, but honestly, I really like the sharks and squid and so on. They might be the second best thing about this game.
The teeny bit of reward, for me anyway, was attempting to nab the various occasional treasures, such as a sword or key. These score big points, and it takes a bit of maneuvering to get through the mines or blast away the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Strangely, the screen shows you which treasures to look for, so it feels as though you've already got them in your inventory. You haven't. It's just weird like that.
This is one of those Atari games that sounds great on paper. Good graphics and sound effects. A cool airplane submarine. Different kinds of enemies and hazards, and cool treasures to collect.
Unfortunately, as with all games, it comes down to the gameplay. It's just not exciting or interesting. Good try, really.
I have to wonder how Fox Games came up with their titles. Did they pour over their catalog of movies? I imagine a lot of people smoking cigarettes and writing movie titles on a chalkboard. "Porky's? Yes, definitely do Porky's, people love that movie so much they want to live it, and now they can!" My point is this: Crash Dive probably looked like a great idea for a side-scrolling shooter when the boss stepped away from the chalkboard, lit another smoke, and saw the title "Crash Dive" between, I don't know, "Redheads on Parade" and "He Married His Wife." Actual titles.
Too bad we never saw the Dolly Parton game. Actually advertised.
If you're really into side-scrolling Atari shooters (and sunsets), you may like Crash Dive. Otherwise . . .
I recommend Crash Dive for Atari nerds and collectors only.
Life game . . .
I wish I could just take a day off from life sometimes and go walk in the grass barefoot and feel the different textures. I want to feel no stress or obligation for anything other than the present moment.
All the best gurus say we can do this anytime, anywhere. I don't mean the barefoot thing, though I'm sure they're good with that. The thing about peace. The present moment. Here. This.
I started a new pill. I already take some pills. Now I take more. This has been the story for much of my entire adult life. I've tested many different antidepressents. It's not as fun as testing many different Atari games.
My life is like Crash Dive. Everything looks fine, even pretty. But really it's without meaning.
Okay, that's a stretch, but I hold two degrees in the skill of turning anything into a simile or metaphor. Life is literary that way. Think about it. All the allegories, character development, settings, foreshadowing, and interconnected threads of plot of your endlessly-chaptered self-published store of memories. The constant conflict: want it want it want it. Like Pac-man guzzling pills. Wantit wantit wantit. And The End. Game Over. The soft slap of a closed book.
And all the while Boglins creep about on my floor.